Mummy-Daddy alignment

I have found out that children can be really ‘smart’ sometimes.  They are able to watch mummy and daddy’s personalities and know what they can get away with, either with mummy or daddy.  They would have had their chance to test the limits and they certainly have a good idea what daddy will be disposed to and what he will definitely frown at (and vice versa).

I have observed one or two of my children will usually go to daddy to ask for permission for those ‘extras’ knowing mummy will say NO, should they ask mummy directly.  Once I begin to make enquiries, they are quick to say oh, I asked daddy, he said I could have it.  For instance my daughter once asked me ‘mummy, can I go to my friend’s place today?’   I said NO, I think you should stay at home today; you were at your friend’s place only a few days back.  Then once I left the house, she simply asked daddy the same question.  Daddy not knowing mummy said NO earlier, simply said YES you can and hurray, off she went feeling quite satisfied that she could always say she had daddy’s permission, should mummy ask.   Also, if she knew daddy was a spend thrift; she will rather go shopping with daddy alone when mummy is not in sight to ring the caution bells and cut off ‘excesses’.

To ensure this doesn’t continue, we simply decided to spell out the rules!  We made the children understand that once either mummy or daddy say NO to any request, then it is wrong (infact manipulative) to seek a second opinion without checking a second time with the first.  Also as parents, we decided to check more with ourselves, unify our stand before consenting to some of these requests and largely, these have helped.

We also realize that the child tends to have a special liking to a parent they consider very flexible and draws back a bit from the parent they see as ‘strict’.  But this balance is particularly good for the child, because either of the extremes will probably drive the child the wrong way.  As the child matures anyway, he will realize that the stricter parent is not necessarily wicked, but takes those ‘strict’ measures in love only to ensure the right balance.

In all, I have found that proper mummy-daddy alignment will provide the needed balance for the child and stir the child to the right direction.

Prayer point: O Lord, help us as parents to be able to speak to our children with one voice and stir them towards the right direction in life, amen in Jesus name.

Proverbs 30:17 ‘The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of a valley, will be eaten by the vultures’