Survivors by His Grace

It was exactly two years yesterday we survived a fire incidence at our residence.  Casting my mind back to that day, I cannot but give God the glory.  It started about 5pm, not long after the children returned home from school.  Of course mummy and daddy were not back home from work at this time. 

The fire had started from the adjacent apartment and was not noticed until it had hit the roof.  The children were totally oblivious of the impending danger, engrossed in their various activities.  Whilst the youngest was glued to TV, the oldest was studying and my other daughter peacefully having siesta up in her room – whilst the roof had caught fire!  Neighbours banged the gate vigorously, shouting to alert whoever was home that the house was on fire. Thank God the children came out unhurt, it just did not matter what was left in the fire, the children survived to the glory of God!

I can remember I was really happy that day, closing from work rather early, about 5.30pm, only to get near home and meet everywhere in chaos.  People were out on the street in their hundreds and the road was impassable.  Not immediately aware that an incidence at my residence was the reason for the chaos, I jumped out of the car about to wade through the crowd to find out what exactly was wrong.  Only then did I remember by mobile phone which incidentally had been on silent mode with countless missed calls recorded.  My heart skipped a bit as I received my Husband’s call – Where are you?  Come home now, the house is on fire. I can recall muttering softly, the children? And he said, they are safe and with me.  That was all I needed to hear.  My heart soared in gratitude I couldn’t express. I rushed to where they were and embraced them.  We wasted no further time but left the venue just as we were to a safe place we could find to rest our heads.  Then I opened my Bible and was comforted in His words ...

Isa 43:1-2

But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob,

And He who formed you, O Israel:

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by your name;

You are Mine.

2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,

Nor shall the flame scorch you.

Prayer Point:  Bless the Lord O my soul, bless the Lord forever more.  Bless the name of the Lord most High, the fourth man in the fire, who appears to safe His chosen ones from all dangers.  Many have passed this route, but their stories are different.  I bless the Lord who has saved us by His Grace.

Psalm 116 v 8 'For you o Lord have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears and my feet from stumbling'

How can I thank you Lord?

God give us Christian homes!

1. God, give us Christian homes!
Homes where the Bible is loved and taught,
Homes where the Master's will is sought,
Homes crowned with beauty Your love has wrought;
God, give us Christian homes;
God, give us Christian homes!

2. God, give us Christian homes!
Homes where the father is true and strong,
Homes that are free from the blight of wrong,
Homes that are joyous with love and song;
God, give us Christian homes,
God, give us Christian homes!

3. God, give us Christian homes!
Homes where the mother, in caring quest,
Strives to show others Your way is best,
Homes where the Lord is an honored guest;
God, give us Christian homes,
God, give us Christian homes!

4. God, give us Christian homes!
Homes where the children are led to know
Christ in His beauty who loves them so,
Homes where the altar fires burn and glow;
God, give us Christian homes,
God, give us Christian homes!

Author: Baylus Benjamin McKinney

As for me and my household . . .

It is good to declare your stand like a Joshua ‘ .....as for me and my household, we shall serve the Lord.  Joshua 24:15b.  It however takes the grace of God and perhaps a lot of discipline and determination from you to sustain it.  In our busy schedules today, we may find that this might be a bit of struggle if care is not taken, as we hurry to get out early to go to work, and we stay extended hours at work and traffic; often getting home late and tired.  But why is it so important to carry your household along in the worship of God?

In Gen 18:19, God reasoned concerning Abraham ‘’For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the LORD, to do righteousness and justice, that the LORD may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him."   God surely expects that we should ‘command’ our households after Him.  Remember in 1^st Samuel 2&3, Eli paid dearly for not succeeding in commanding his children after God.  God must really consider this very important.

Remember your household consist of not just your children, but everyone staying with you in your home, including your maids. 

In Gen 35:2 Jacob commanded his household ‘’And Jacob said to his household and to all who were with him, "Put away the foreign gods that are among you, purify yourselves, and change your garments’’

We need to command our households after God in obedience to God’s expectations and also to avoid the wrath of God, but importantly that we also may have peace in our homes!

How can we serve the Lord with our households?

-          Ensuring steady, regular family devotion

-          Ensuring the entire family is committed to a local Bible preaching Church where you fellowship regularly

-          Living daily by the dictates of God in His Word

Is your salvation really complete if the rest of your household still wallow in darkness?

Prayer Point: O Lord help me not to fail you in respect of my household.  Help me to take charge and command my household after you daily in Jesus name.

The 'haven' called family

I seem to have an unquenchable passion for a good family life that keeps me examining the topic ‘family’ like I have been assigned a project in school.  The word ‘family’ denotes closeness, affinity, kindred, blood tie, just the very next to self; the primary unit that forms the bedrock of the society.  If you cannot find peace, comfort and joy at home with family, then where else?

It is quite easy to take family jolly union for granted, like it is the very least you should expect from every home, after all, these are a bunch of people closely connected to each other by blood.  But unfortunately, not every family experience that bliss, that warmth, that joy that one should ordinarily enjoy from an ideal family life.  This really is the crux of the matter.  Why do we have troubled homes? Why are families in disarray?  Why do parents find it difficult communicating with their children?  Why do children ignore their parents and choose to live their lives as they please?  There are so many questions I ponder about as I see these anomalies all around. 

Whilst money is good to have and may provide some necessities and comfort for the family, it may be surprising that money is not the most critical factor to a happy family life.  Even the poor and trodden can enjoy family love, whilst many ‘rich’ homes wallow in pain and distrust for one another.  Then what are those essential ingredients for a happy family life?

Psalm 127:1 says ‘Unless the Lord builds the house, they labour in vain that builds it; unless the Lord guards the City, the watchmen stays awake in vain’

Perhaps there are many ‘ingredients’ to a happy and successful home, but I have found that the very first requirement is inviting Jesus to help build our homes.  Learning and following His dictates every day.  It is important to ensure that the children are introduced to the word of God early and are carried along in the daily worship, establishing a family altar where the family prays together and where the children develop in the fear of the Lord.  Remember, a family that prays together, stay together.   

A family where JESUS is the architect and the builder is a safe haven.

Prayer point:  O Lord, we invite you into our home today.  Take your place Lord.  Be Lord over our home, over our children, over our lives.  Help us o Lord to build a happy and successful home in Jesus name.

Thank you JESUS

Today marks my 16th year wedding anniversary and I just want to bless the name of the Lord for His abundant love that we have enjoyed through the years.  It has been most rewarding committing this life time journey unto His able hands, having His assurance in the first place to move on, and looking unto Him day by day for direction and grace.  Thank you JESUS for the journey so far and thank you for the greater joy you have in store for the future.  I love you LORD.

Mummy-Daddy alignment

I have found out that children can be really ‘smart’ sometimes.  They are able to watch mummy and daddy’s personalities and know what they can get away with, either with mummy or daddy.  They would have had their chance to test the limits and they certainly have a good idea what daddy will be disposed to and what he will definitely frown at (and vice versa).

I have observed one or two of my children will usually go to daddy to ask for permission for those ‘extras’ knowing mummy will say NO, should they ask mummy directly.  Once I begin to make enquiries, they are quick to say oh, I asked daddy, he said I could have it.  For instance my daughter once asked me ‘mummy, can I go to my friend’s place today?’   I said NO, I think you should stay at home today; you were at your friend’s place only a few days back.  Then once I left the house, she simply asked daddy the same question.  Daddy not knowing mummy said NO earlier, simply said YES you can and hurray, off she went feeling quite satisfied that she could always say she had daddy’s permission, should mummy ask.   Also, if she knew daddy was a spend thrift; she will rather go shopping with daddy alone when mummy is not in sight to ring the caution bells and cut off ‘excesses’.

To ensure this doesn’t continue, we simply decided to spell out the rules!  We made the children understand that once either mummy or daddy say NO to any request, then it is wrong (infact manipulative) to seek a second opinion without checking a second time with the first.  Also as parents, we decided to check more with ourselves, unify our stand before consenting to some of these requests and largely, these have helped.

We also realize that the child tends to have a special liking to a parent they consider very flexible and draws back a bit from the parent they see as ‘strict’.  But this balance is particularly good for the child, because either of the extremes will probably drive the child the wrong way.  As the child matures anyway, he will realize that the stricter parent is not necessarily wicked, but takes those ‘strict’ measures in love only to ensure the right balance.

In all, I have found that proper mummy-daddy alignment will provide the needed balance for the child and stir the child to the right direction.

Prayer point: O Lord, help us as parents to be able to speak to our children with one voice and stir them towards the right direction in life, amen in Jesus name.

Proverbs 30:17 ‘The eye that mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be pecked out by the ravens of a valley, will be eaten by the vultures’

Seed of discord

It is interesting to note that no two individuals are quite the same in entirety, even children born from the same womb.  One child might have a more endearing character than the other, or be much smarter than the other.  A child may just be more useful around the house than another. There just might be that tendency for a parent to be very much impressed by a particular child for whatever reason(s) and perhaps unconsciously develop a special liking towards this particular child.

Even in the Bible days, we saw this happen in the case of Esau and Jacob (Genesis 25 from verse 24), where the father loved Esau and the mother loved Jacob. Whilst the father craved to specially bless his favourite child, the blessing was usurped by the other child. A seed of discord was sown between the two brothers.

Also in Genesis 37, we saw that Jacob loved Joseph more than all his other sons and always treated him as special.  He often stayed at home whilst his brothers were out working and he had his father’s keen attention and got all the special gifts, including his favourite multicolour coat.  This brewed a lot of envy from his brothers and eventually landed him a slave job in a strange land!

Once a parent develops a special liking towards a particular child more than the others, other children can decipher that more easily than we think.  You probably give yourself away by little acts you may take for granted.  Sometimes, we are quick to make a comparison; your brother will never have done that, if only you could be as smart as your sister.... All of these honestly do not go very well with children.  What you are doing unconsciously is sewing a seed of discord, setting up the stage for envy.  Also, you might be killing the other child’s self esteem.  He might just be feeling unloved or feeling like a no good.  We need to watch it!

The better thing to do is to recognise that no two children will be exactly the same and every child has something good to offer, if only we would pay attention to identify that ‘good’.  We need to commend our children for the good virtues they have and try to help them work on their weaknesses.  These will help the child bring out his best and create a better atmosphere for unity.

I think we should make conscious attempt not to display favouritism, should such exist and try our very best to carry our children along equally.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me to love my children equally and not sew a seed of discord amongst them by way of my actions or inactions.  Help my children to grow in unity, loving and supporting one another in Jesus name.  Amen.

A father's blessing

As parents, God bestowed on us significant authority over our children, so much so He backs up pronouncements we make concerning our children, to perform it.  More so, the Bible in Ephesians 6:1-3 demands Children to obey their parents and honour their father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with them and that they may live long on earth.

We have seen from stories in the Bible that acts of dishonour provoke negative pronouncements (or curses) even from ‘Godly’ parents. These children then begin to suffer the consequences of those pronouncements for the rest of their lives, except if God decides to intervene again by His mercy.

You may recall the story of Noah in Genesis 9:20-27 when he cursed his youngest son for his wrong acts and blessed his other sons. In Gen 9:25 he said ‘Cursed be Canaan, the lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers’

This is quite similar to the case of Israel when he made pronouncements concerning his son Reuben.

Genesis 49:3-4 ‘ Reuben you are my firstborn, my might, the first sign of my strength, excelling in honor, excelling in power. Turbulent as the waters, you will no longer excel, for you went up on to your bed, on to my couch and defiled it’

Interestingly, the reverse also holds where a parent makes positive pronouncements (blessings) on a child, the blessings stays with that child forever.  Esau most have understood this when he practically begged his father for any leftover blessing, after he realized he had lost out to his brother, Jacob. Genesis 27:36-38.

As parents, we need to be conscious of the efficacy of our pronouncements and to be cautious in saying things that might impact our children negatively, even in the face of provocation. More so, we also live in a world in which abusive words are offered generously even from parents to children sometimes requiring some slight provocation or just offered playfully. We need to watch out to ensure we continuously pronounce blessings on our children and not curses (even when they seem to deserve it).  We also need to let our children understand the importance of their parent’s pronouncements on them and the need for them to do things that will provoke blessings rather than curses.

Genesis 49:26a’ Your father’s blessings are greater that the blessings of the ancient mountains’

Prayer Point: O Lord, help me to be able to train my children to be of good conduct and to give me rest. Help me to be able to forgive their wrong doings and bless them always in Jesus name.

When the foundation is destroyed

We probably have seen many examples of children growing up to become near nonentities, sometimes indulging in all the vices of life; drugs, excessive alcohol, sex trading and what have you.  Some children on the other hand just blatantly refuse to continue with their education and do not pick up any productive alternative, they rather just while away their years hanging around with friends and being easily disposed to mischief; after all, the idle hand is the devil’s workshop.

Something definitely must have gone wrong right from the foundation.  Painfully, these set of people also live in frustration and often feel really lonely and empty inside, craving for some fulfilment that keeps evading them like a mirage.  Unfortunately, this is also a great source of pain to a normal parent; the mere thought of the child will almost be like a dagger through the heart.  The parent is sometimes also frustrated having tried several strategies to ‘win’ back the child without much success; he’s probably just given up and has left the child to ‘faith’. And truly ‘if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?’ Psalm 11:3

I however bet that all of these would not have suddenly started overnight.  There must have been some incubation period which perhaps went unnoticed or was taken for granted by the parents.  This could even start with little acts of disobedience which if unchecked, later develops into more pronounced act of rebellion and insubordination.  This is particularly more pronounced in more liberal societies.

 It is very critical to watch our child’s attitude, liberties we extend to the child and also the company he/she keeps.  We should be quick to correct the child if derailing, applying the appropriate disciplinary measures where necessary and not choose to overlook unacceptable behaviour; otherwise this becomes a norm and when the child is set in his ways, it becomes almost impossible to expect a change.  But thank God it’s never too late.  Our God is the master builder who laid the foundation of the earth (Hebrews 1:10).  He can visit any foundation, tear it down and rebuild it.

Permit me to say when the foundation is destroyed; the righteous can invite the master builder.

Prayer Point: O Lord, help us to lay the right foundation for our children in Jesus name, any where we might have missed it, O Lord we invite you in as the master builder, visit the foundation of our children, tear it down and rebuild it to suit your purpose in Jesus mighty name.  Amen.

Frustrating moments!

Sometimes we try hard to impact some values on our children, might be as simple as a good reading habit, focus in exam preparations or even some more delicate issues.   There are times it just seems we keep talking, but we are not communicating.  The child doesn’t just seem to have gotten the point!  The trend you are trying to stop, you see repeating itself.  Sometimes, you are trying to say to your child ‘see I have towed that line and it did not profit me in anyway, you will not benefit anything from going that route’.  At such times, if there was a better way to let the child see exactly through your heart and get the import of what you are trying to communicate.  Whilst it is probably okay to allow the child learn from his/her mistakes, you definitely want to avoid the ‘costly’ mistakes, if you had the choice.

Sometimes, you are not even sure whether you are not doing too much talking.  The child begins to feel he/she is in a classroom anytime near where you are.  You are beginning to sound like a broken record, and sometimes you hear, ‘mummy I know, you have said that a thousand times’!   My response is ‘if you had complied the first time, I probably will not need a second time’.

I think here we probably need a different strategy.  This is the time to take it to God in prayers.  Sometimes I find myself saying ‘God I really don’t know how to handle this, please help me.  Just take it over from where I have stopped, minister to this child by Yourself’.  Thank God, He has a way of showing up in our circumstances.  Somehow, He deposits peace within me and I watch things gradually take shape once again.  Thank God for God!

Sometimes we bother so much about our children, we put ourselves under pressure and spend time worrying instead of taking it all to God in prayers.  Worrying really doesn’t solve any problem at the end of the day; it probably adds one or two more!  There is just that limit to what we can do as human beings, no matter how ‘perfect’ we think we are as parents; God is the super parent that really can handle everything.

Prayer point:  O Lord, tune our children’s hears to good counsel, guide their paths and protect them.

You are their Heavenly Father; take over that parenting task even in areas where we are struggling or perhaps where we have failed as their earthly parent.

Proverbs 19:20 ‘ Listen to counsel  and receive instruction, that  you may be wise in your latter days’

Proverbs 1:5 ‘ A wise man will hear and increase in learning, a man of understanding will attain wise counsel’

Proverbs 12:15 ‘ The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise’

Teenage Vibes

I realized that there is something about teenage.  These children suddenly begin to feel like young adults and want to do things differently.  Gradually, they don’t want to put on certain wears any longer, they don’t want to be treated as ‘children’, they don’t want mummy going everywhere with them any longer and now they really love to hang out with friends.  This phase is just a lot more delicate and complicated; should be treated with extra care.

This is the time teenagers feel ‘I am old enough, I know just what to do, you don’t have to baby me’.

This is the time they are more exposed to ‘peer pressure’, the time they are far more aware of their sexuality, and the time they really want to explore!  The influence of ‘modernization’ and social networks could also take its toll sometimes.  The relationship you have built over the years will really help in managing this phase because if you really are your child’s friend, he/she will still want to share with you, at least to some extent what is going on in his/her world.  Whatever relationship you had previously, it is important not to assume that your child is old enough and can really be on his/her own because more than ever, this is the time to get involved as the child, depending on his/her character, can easily be influenced into following the wrong path if care is not taken.  This is the time to continue to talk to your child at every opportunity advising him/her about life generally and sharing from your own personal experiences (after all, you were once a teenager) and also borrowing from other peoples experiences you may know.  I found out that children are particularly intrigued by their parent’s personal experiences!  Good or bad, there is always a lesson to be learnt.  Also from my experience, the personalities of my teenage children differ, whilst one is more disposed to sharing almost anything with me unprompted,   the other one will require a lot of subtle questioning before letting out anything!  I believe the risks are higher, where the child is not even sharing.  We need to be aware of this as parents and find a way of getting more involved and also we need to be careful about extending liberties to them.

The most stabilizing influence is CHRIST.  A child that has given his/her life to Christ indeed will be led by the WORD of God.  This child by the help of God, will be fully in control and not easily swayed by trends or peer pressure.  As parents, we can lead our children to Christ, we can show them the right path, continually pray for and with them, and if possible, ensure they are in institutions that align with what we consider as the right values.  But what really can we do without the help of God? We need to continually ask God to help us with this great task of parenting.

 

Prayer point; O Lord, intervene in the lives of our children; help them to know YOU indeed and depend on YOU even in their teenage years.  Help them not to be swayed by the evil influences in this world so they can keep their sanity and we can have our rest.

Isaiah 54:13-14b ‘ All our children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness they shall be established..’

The familiar enemy

Increasingly, we read reports of child abuse in the papers and particularly sexual abuse.  It is extremely important we educate our children about sex.  Unfortunately this is one topic we naturally shy away from as parents.  I do not recall hearing so much about this as a kid as well.  But this is why the perpetrators are really gaining grounds; they catch their ‘preys’ most times quite naive, uninformed and with no understanding of the consequences.

Right from the tender ages, a child must first understand that certain parts of the body are private and should not be touched by anyone.  A child should shout and report any attempt by anyone and should be made to understand that anyone who says ‘don’t tell mummy or daddy’ does not mean well for him/her.

Unfortunately, most of these ‘predators’ are people very close by, sometimes people that have access to our homes such as family members, domestic assistants, neighbours e.t.c.  In some cases, it could even be drivers, gatemen, class teachers, lesson teachers and what have you.  The enemy is often not far- fetched, but right inside our homes and around our environment.  Let’s watch out!

This is applicable to both the male and the female child, though agreeably, the female child is perhaps more exposed.  We should continuously educate our children and protect them from such risks as much as possible.  Suggested ways include not leaving them home alone or with a potential ‘predator’, not allowing your under age child walk the streets alone, ensuring your children are decently dressed and not unduly exposed,  warning your girl child never to sit on a boy/man’s laps. 

We cannot be too vigilant when it comes to watching out for our children.  We should even observe their reaction to people around.  When they are avoiding somebody or being unnecessarily familiar with somebody, we want to find out why.  It is possible there is no issue, which is what we hope in the first place, but we just need to check.

Most of all we need to daily commit these children to God’s hands to take them over completely and guide their paths for us.

Prayer point:  O Lord, continually guide our children and direct their paths.  Let them never fall prey to the predator in Jesus name.  Amen.

1 Corinthians 6:18 ‘Flee from sexual immorality ....’

The place of discipline

One of the most pathetic stories I have read in the Bible is that of Eli, a Prophet of God who heard God directly and was a blessing to his generation.   Eli served God even until his old age, he however ended his life abruptly and not just that, God promised him that all his descendants will die in their prime and there will be no old man in his family. 1 Samuel 2:22-33.  Why?  His sons were very unruly, even though he warned them; God said he failed to restrain them from their evil (1 Samuel 3:13).

This tells me God expects us to do more than talking when it comes to correcting our children, particularly if the child decides not to heed to our initial mild warnings.  Whatever it takes to ‘restrain’ our child from wrong, we must by all means do, else we become guilty before God should our child continue in his wrong.

The gentle man Eli must have had a very soft personality.  There was also no mention of a mother figure, who perhaps would have balanced her husband’s ‘niceness’.  These children would have gotten away with so much, right from childhood so much so that they threw caution to the winds.  After all, daddy Eli was quite busy ministering to the needs of Israel, he heard of his children’s wrong doings (1 Samuel 2:22), he probably had no chance to observe these himself!

This is a lesson for all.  We must not be too busy to observe our children.  We must by all means restrain our children from wrong and of course right from when they are very little.  My 2yr old niece for instance is often asked to face the wall, once she does something wrong and interestingly, that makes her very sober.  Once she starts to feel indifferent by this style of punishment, I can bet a steeper measure will be applied.

It is however important to also discipline a child in love and let the child understand why he is being punished, otherwise we may just over do it and injure the child in the process (particularly if done in anger) or the child may go to the other extreme and become rebellious, particularly if he feels 'mummy or daddy hates me'.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me not to get too busy to notice my child’s wrong doings.  Help me to be able to restrain my child from wrong and to discipline him in love and deliver his soul from hell.

You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell Prov. 23:14

Folly in bound in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Prov. 22:15

The Rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother Prov. 23:15

Playing the model

Whether you like it or not, your child looks up to you whilst growing and you are one of the very first role models he/she sees.  The child apparently learns more from what you do, than what you say.  And most of the time, they are silent observers; they see everything, may just keep quiet at the time and suddenly say (or act) something they have seen particularly if the situation demands it.

My son made a rude statement to one of his friends and I said ... .oh no, you must never say that, it’s not a nice thing to say to anyone.  Have you ever heard me say anything like that?  And he went. . of course YES mummy, when you are driving.  I could have sworn I never use those foul languages.  Driving sometimes has a way of bringing a part of you, you never knew existed.  God have mercy! 

But this makes me extra conscious of what I say or what I do, knowing that my child is learning from me.  When I am lazy about doing certain things I know I should do, I just prop myself to do it sometimes.  I try to ensure the right disciplines as much as possible, family prayer time, church/fellowship time e.t.c.  And also those wifely home duties!  God help us, our daughters are learning.

You can imagine what it does to a child to watch his/her father beat up his/her mum.  This child may just grow up having the wrong ideas about marriage.

I believe we may not be perfect all the time, but perhaps we can strive to make our homes (at least in terms of how parents play their roles to each other and disciplines we put in place in our homes) the minimum standard that we would want our children’s homes to be in the future.

Prayer point: O Lord, help us to build our homes with Christ as the centre point, help us to be good role models to our children in Jesus name.  Amen.

Discoveries at Story times

Telling children stories flows naturally with me.  I teach in children’s church and I love it absolutely!  For me, I seize every opportunity to tell a little story that will communicate a lesson to the children.

They are always so keen to listen too.  We often shared basic bible stories from Adam to Abraham, David, Joseph, Daniel, Queen Esther and countless other Bible characters.  We even told folktales and lady bird stories sometimes.  When do we get the time?  Mostly in the evenings when I am home early enough, also sometimes in the vehicle whilst in transit, just anytime I am able to get the needed attention.

I also grew up listening to a lot of stories as well.

I discovered that stories engages children’s attention and can be used to pass some lessons across and reinforce the right character in your child and more so, introduce JESUS to your child.  Also, story time, might just be a great ‘discovery’ time.

Bible stories particularly, appeals to a child’s conscience sometimes and he is able to say for instance ‘mummy I am sorry I told a lie the other time, can God really forgive me?  This creates a wonderful opportunity for you to be able to minister to your child.  Interestingly, some things that I knew absolutely nothing about, sometimes emerges after story time. The Holy Spirit may just use that to reveal something happening in my child’s life and I am able to pray with the child personally on the matter.

I also love to listen to their stories as well; you can bet they have numerous stories to tell from their day in school.  Asking basic questions such as ‘how did your day go today’, may actually open up a lot.

Lesson; Story time is a bonding opportunity. Can be used to communicate lessons to children, can bring about discoveries on the child’s activity that you ordinarily may not have known.  Requires you also listening to your child – should be a two way flow.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me to be able to minister Christ to my children – That they may know YOU, and the power of your resurrection... Phil 3:10

What you refuse to say

It is amazing how fast children learn these days.  Daily, they add to what they know from what they see, hear, or read; it’s just amazing the magnitude of influence around their world; television, books, magazines, internet, social networks, peer influence e.t.c.  Now whilst this is good, it’s also necessary to exercise a bit of caution.

More so children are naturally very curious, making it look like they set out to explore the world and make discoveries.  Sometimes, your child probably knows a bit more than you think.  I particularly feel it is very important to answer their questions as much as possible, even if it is flowing in like a torrent, rather than just shutting them up.  Try to be their very first teacher and a reliable one at that, who will always provide correct information, because the truth is; what you refuse to say, they will definitely learn elsewhere, and who knows what version they now get to know and hold on to at the end of the day?

Sometimes, some very awkward questions just hit you suddenly.  Believe me; it has happened to me many times. I think sometimes we perhaps wrongly believe they are a little too young to know certain things and we are not prepared at that time to explain to them.  My son was barely 9 and he asked, mummy what are sanitary towels used for?  In my old fashioned thinking, I thought I need not explain in details, as first he is a boy and not so affected by it and next it is too early for him to bother about those details.  So I said well it’s more like a panty liner.  Okay mummy, he said and went off his way.  A few months down the line, he came back and said, mummy we learnt about the reproductive cycle today in school and I found out sanitary towels are used for a lot more than you mentioned.  Really?  I said and I tried making one or two belated statements on the topic.

Months after again he came back with a new word, mummy what are condoms used for?  Now I have learnt my lesson, so I went  ‘those are used by adults .... and I just tried making one or two descent statements also finding out where he picked the word from.

I remember whilst growing up, what mothers commonly said to their daughters once she is starting her  period was ‘look now you are fully mature and you can get pregnant if you move close to any man’.  Now in our naive thinking, we thought even sharing a seat in school with a boy might be an issue.

Well, what you refuse to say, your child will end up learning anyway.  Seize the opportunity to be your child’s very first teacher.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me to be a good teacher to my child, help me to establish the right truths in his/her heart that will guide him/her as he/she grows. Amen.

‘Train a child in the way he should go, when he grows up he will not depart from it’ Proverbs 22:6

In your Child's world

I have found it very important knowing exactly what is going on in my child’s world – as much as possible!  This makes spending time together very important.  For a working mother, you find out you naturally have limited time to spend with your children, particularly during the week.  Depending on the flexibility of your work arrangement and traffic pattern on your route, you may find out it’s actually past bedtime before you get home sometimes, or they are probably already yawning and too tired to interact with you meaningfully, before going off to sleep.  You might have missed out on something really important!  Now how do we manage this?  I believe with God, all things are possible.  We just have to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to help us.

Many a times, I have heard statements like ‘mummy, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know when you got back yester night, I must have fallen asleep’.

This tells me we must create the time to deliberately ask direct questions, ‘how did your day go today/yesterday?  What happened in school?  How are your friends? What about your teacher? Any message for me from School?’    Whatever questions that naturally comes to your mind to ask – probably not too many at once though, so the child doesn’t start feeling you are carrying out an investigation!

But interestingly, I have also found out some facts may just naturally emerge at playtime, story time, meal time, and any other time without you deliberately prompting for it.  This tells me all facets of interaction are important to really put you in your child’s world.  

But why would you want to be in your child’s world?  We need to be able to guide our children and we cannot possibly do that well enough, if we are unaware of what they are going through.  It is however important to note that the big enabler here is ‘trust’; your child must be able to trust you, your child must see you as a friend, then he is able to talk to you.

Prayer point:  O Lord help me first to be my child’s friend, help me to discover every detail I need to know about my child. Holy Spirit, guide my child to do the right things and comport herself/himself appropriately at all times.

‘All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children’ Isaiah 54:13

The great discovery

I struggled and joggled through my working years (up till now); I still do not think I have the right balance between home and work.  Once I feel I am getting it right on the one side, I am very much likely to be compromising on the other.  I tried reading time management books, exercising certain disciplines as far as possible; perhaps it helped a bit, but I still haven’t achieved my ideal balance.

I made up my mind though that I was going to be very committed to work between the hours of 8-5pm on weekdays as expected, make Saturdays my family day and Sunday for Church and Church meetings.  Meaning these will be the primary activities that will take priority for those earmarked days/timing, but I could actually flex these if it becomes very necessary.

I always look forward to my Saturdays.  We quickly do the cleaning; arrange our lunch pack sometimes and off we go.  We love to explore new outlets for fun.  Unfortunately, there are not too many fun outlets this part of the world.  Often times we spend a good part of the day swimming.

We went swimming this day and I noticed my son suddenly jumped into the pool at the deep end.  I was alarmed, as he wasn’t yet good in swimming and will usually restrict himself to the shallow end.  But before I knew it, I actually saw him pop up and swim across the length of the pool back to his comfort zone.  I was dazed.  I couldn’t help asking him where that courage suddenly emerged from.  Then I found his response very intriguing, he said ‘I just discovered a secret’.   I was very much interested in what this secret could be, and then he said to me ‘You have to first believe in yourself, and then anything is possible’.  What a great discovery!  He actually did minister to me in ways he did not know.

After this discovery, each time I was helping him out with his studies and he was finding it difficult and almost getting discouraged, I always said to him, have you forgotten that secret?  You just have to believe in yourself, and then anything will be possible. That spurs a ready smile from him, and then he gets energised again.

I discovered that play times are fun times, wonderful bonding opportunity for the family, time to unwind and also a great learning opportunity for the children.  We should inculcate a bit of it into our family lives.

Prayer point:  O Lord, help me to give my children the right balance of work and play, help my children to develop socially as they develop in other areas of life. Amen.

Please share your experiences too

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The new order

It naturally got to a stage when we needed to take a call on this house help issue.  We tried several over the years, some better than others, but usually each with her own peculiar character.  We experienced all sorts; even some horrid episodes you probably don’t want to hear.  We decided not to have any live in with us, and considered having a visiting maid.  Luckily the children were older with the eldest about 11yrs and the youngest about 5yr s at this time.

 In no time, we adjusted to our routine. Everyone took on a bit more responsibility, including the children.  Interestingly, this was a great ‘maturing’ time for the children.  My first daughter at the time had started feeling very much like a ‘big’ girl, wanting every opportunity to prove to me that ‘mummy, don’t worry, we can handle it’. She took charge of things quite easily (I must say I enjoyed it), her immediate junior sister will readily align most of the time, but she had her little brother to cope with, as he will keep throwing things around and daring her.  What a fight they had!

The best part of this perhaps, was that they all learnt to do basic household chores and also to cook. They had a lot of trial opportunities burning several pots along the line, but these all paid off.

I was amazed at my son’s cooking skills at the age of 7. He could make his basic meals and surprisingly with the right measure of salt.  His frequent disagreement with his sister forced him into trying his recipes, till he perfected his act.

The lesson in these for me is that children really have the capacity to do more than we often allow them to do and they definitely will learn a lot more by having the freedom to do stuffs  and in fact being ‘put in charge’ sometimes is the needed  motivation to spur them into action.

Prayer point;  O Lord, give me the wisdom to train my children aright, help them to learn day by day and be useful to themselves and others in Jesus name. Amen.

Hazards in the name of 'helps' - 2

I actually can go on and on, writing about different experiences we had with various helps.  One actually left unannounced, helping herself with whatever she found useful in the house, leaving the children in school taking away the bunch of keys with the house locked up. What can I say? Thank God she left the children.  What if she decided to cart them away?  God forbid.

What beats me is my sister’s experience.  She is not in formal employment, so has control over her time.  I always said to her that she could watch over any help quite easily since she is always there. I thought she was very unlikely to have issues managing these helps.

On this particular night, she got up to breast feed her baby and for some reason came out of her bedroom and opened the door of her help’s room to pick up an item.  She said her help looked a bit funny on the bed the way she laid, or so she thought.  So she went to wake her.  Only then did she realize that the help had just propped up some clothing to make it seem like she was lying there; she had gone for a night shift possibly somewhere on the streets of Lagos!  My sister went dumb in astonishment, she was really scared.  She quickly checked the external doors, the front door was nicely locked and the kitchen door not snapped at the back.

She woke her husband up and he boldly stepped out of the house to survey the compound.  The night guard was fast asleep and the gate left off the hook.   In the wee hours of the morning, she carefully tip-toed into the compound, face brightly made up with a funky wig on.  Where on earth could she have been coming from?  It’s really amazing to think she could still arrange these ‘extra -curricular’ activities for herself at night and play ‘at your beck and call’ at day time.  It is not just about working mothers after all, we all need to be extra vigilant.  May God help us.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me to choose the right person to support me in the care of my home and children.  Open my eyes to see things that might be going wrong and help me to take that needed decisive action(s) and avoid exposing my home and family to undue risk in Jesus name. Amen.

Hazards in the name of 'helps' - 1

God help us mothers!  In dare search for daily bread, we sometimes ‘delegate’ some of our primary responsibilities to others.  These could range from shopping to cooking to child care, and who know even husband care.

My husband would rather not have strangers live-in.  He is often worried about spiritual compatibility, dependability, character and possible influence on the children.  If the children must stay at home, rather than go to grandma, then help we must have.  What can we do, but to put all of these in prayers before even searching for the help.  Also when we eventually get one, we do all the due diligence we can possibly do as human beings. Then the next step is to be alert and watchful, whilst continuously committing all to God in prayers..surely He that keepeth Isreal neither slumber nor sleep Psalm 121 v 4

I got this help at a time and thought I could help her by putting her in school, whilst my children are also in school.  She picks up my children after school, just few buildings away from home and fixes them lunch.

That fateful afternoon, for whatever reason I decided to come home from work (now my office had relocated to a much closer location).  It was past the time for my children to arrive home, but they were not in sight.  I therefore had to walk down to pick them up.  I served lunch and waited at home for close to another hour, behold my help had not showed up.  Then I heard footsteps by the window, it was my help coming accompanied by a friend dressed in strange muftis (not school uniforms), face painted and with my shoes on. She was supposed to have picked my children at least 2hours before that time and stay home with them. Of course not dependable and could pose a real threat to the children.  No debate, I sent her packing.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me to choose the right person to support me in the care of my home and children.  Open my eyes to see things that might be going wrong and help me to take that needed decisive action(s) and avoid exposing my home and family to undue risk in Jesus name. Amen.

Grandma to the rescue

 Now, casting my mind back, I cannot quite reconcile some of the risks I took back then.  It is unimaginable to think some of those stuffs actually did happen.  It was ‘reporting time’ at work.  For an Accountant, that really is the peak period where all reports are due within a very tight schedule.  It’s just like a relay, as your submissions will be consolidated globally and timing and quality of your reports are quite critical.  It was just at the peak of all of these my daughter took ill and was admitted in hospital.  What a time!  It was absolutely impossible for me to ask for a time off at this time, there was no relief officer; my boss at the time wasn’t even so approachable particularly at such a critical period.  What could I possibly do?  Of course, it was grandma to the rescue.  Grandma will stay with my daughter in hospital all day and mummy only takes over at night after work to allow grandma go home and rest.  Grandma resumes again the next morning and mummy also will report at work right from hospital – this was the routine for the 5 days my daughter was in hospital.

Back home now with nanny all day long, we had to complete some oral drugs. One of it was to be taken in 3days, 2 tablets a day and the last one tablet on the 3^rd day.  Usually, I will administer the morning drugs and give an instruction on the afternoon portion.  To my surprise, my hyper active nanny had completed the 3days dosage, all in one day!  Two tablets in the afternoon, and the last one in the evening, before I got back from work.  Back I rushed to the hospital with my baby, as soon as I realized.  The doctor was absolutely amazed and I cannot forget his stern question; where were you?

 Prayer point: O Lord, take absolute control of my life, take control of my family;  even when I need to be away reign over my home, reign over my children and family members.  There shall be no evil mishap in Jesus name.  Amen.

The shock of my life

I bless God for the opportunity to share with you on this platform.  I am really excited, looking forward to what God has in store for us and it feels like a new chapter of my life being opened.  To God be the GLORY !

My first daughter was barely 4, with my second about 2 years.  At this time I just couldn’t cope with school runs.  My office was quite a distance, about 2hrs in the traffic every morning before managing to get to work at after 8am totally exhausted.  I was never sure of what time I will get back home; could be as late as 10-11pm, or sometimes even having to stay over the night unexpectedly (though quite occasionally), if certain deadlines were to be met.  My husband was half the time out of town.  Nannies were absolutely un-reliable.  We had to make an arrangement for the children to stay with grandma during the week, whilst we pick them up on Fridays.   Arrangement though workable, was quite frustrating for me.  I was missing out a lot on the children; I was on the verge of quitting right away and forgetting about paid employment, but we thought we should keep the struggle a little longer.  I got to grandma unusually early this blessed Friday excited about spending the weekend with my children, lo and behold, I got the shock of my life!

Time to go home, I said to my girls.  Home?  My first daughter retorted, I don’t like staying in your house.  You are never there.  You don’t do anything for me, you don’t take me to school.  I love staying with grandma, she is always there.    My heart broke in a snap, my tears rolled freely,  I bent by her side beckoning, my voice barely audible – My dear, if I don’t go to work I won’t be able to buy you this your lovely dress – I don’t want any dress she replied stubbornly.  It dawned on me suddenly that she meant real business. To cut the story short, my daughter refused to go home with me for a few more weekends.  She taught me a deep lesson that has remained with me since then.   It was expedient to start making those changes that will bring that mutual fulfilment in family life.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me to reorganise my life.  Help me to make those tough decisions I must make to give me a more meaningful and fulfilling family life in Jesus name.  Amen.