A father's blessing

As parents, God bestowed on us significant authority over our children, so much so He backs up pronouncements we make concerning our children, to perform it.  More so, the Bible in Ephesians 6:1-3 demands Children to obey their parents and honour their father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with them and that they may live long on earth.

We have seen from stories in the Bible that acts of dishonour provoke negative pronouncements (or curses) even from ‘Godly’ parents. These children then begin to suffer the consequences of those pronouncements for the rest of their lives, except if God decides to intervene again by His mercy.

You may recall the story of Noah in Genesis 9:20-27 when he cursed his youngest son for his wrong acts and blessed his other sons. In Gen 9:25 he said ‘Cursed be Canaan, the lowest of slaves will he be to his brothers’

This is quite similar to the case of Israel when he made pronouncements concerning his son Reuben.

Genesis 49:3-4 ‘ Reuben you are my firstborn, my might, the first sign of my strength, excelling in honor, excelling in power. Turbulent as the waters, you will no longer excel, for you went up on to your bed, on to my couch and defiled it’

Interestingly, the reverse also holds where a parent makes positive pronouncements (blessings) on a child, the blessings stays with that child forever.  Esau most have understood this when he practically begged his father for any leftover blessing, after he realized he had lost out to his brother, Jacob. Genesis 27:36-38.

As parents, we need to be conscious of the efficacy of our pronouncements and to be cautious in saying things that might impact our children negatively, even in the face of provocation. More so, we also live in a world in which abusive words are offered generously even from parents to children sometimes requiring some slight provocation or just offered playfully. We need to watch out to ensure we continuously pronounce blessings on our children and not curses (even when they seem to deserve it).  We also need to let our children understand the importance of their parent’s pronouncements on them and the need for them to do things that will provoke blessings rather than curses.

Genesis 49:26a’ Your father’s blessings are greater that the blessings of the ancient mountains’

Prayer Point: O Lord, help me to be able to train my children to be of good conduct and to give me rest. Help me to be able to forgive their wrong doings and bless them always in Jesus name.

When the foundation is destroyed

We probably have seen many examples of children growing up to become near nonentities, sometimes indulging in all the vices of life; drugs, excessive alcohol, sex trading and what have you.  Some children on the other hand just blatantly refuse to continue with their education and do not pick up any productive alternative, they rather just while away their years hanging around with friends and being easily disposed to mischief; after all, the idle hand is the devil’s workshop.

Something definitely must have gone wrong right from the foundation.  Painfully, these set of people also live in frustration and often feel really lonely and empty inside, craving for some fulfilment that keeps evading them like a mirage.  Unfortunately, this is also a great source of pain to a normal parent; the mere thought of the child will almost be like a dagger through the heart.  The parent is sometimes also frustrated having tried several strategies to ‘win’ back the child without much success; he’s probably just given up and has left the child to ‘faith’. And truly ‘if the foundations are destroyed, what can the righteous do?’ Psalm 11:3

I however bet that all of these would not have suddenly started overnight.  There must have been some incubation period which perhaps went unnoticed or was taken for granted by the parents.  This could even start with little acts of disobedience which if unchecked, later develops into more pronounced act of rebellion and insubordination.  This is particularly more pronounced in more liberal societies.

 It is very critical to watch our child’s attitude, liberties we extend to the child and also the company he/she keeps.  We should be quick to correct the child if derailing, applying the appropriate disciplinary measures where necessary and not choose to overlook unacceptable behaviour; otherwise this becomes a norm and when the child is set in his ways, it becomes almost impossible to expect a change.  But thank God it’s never too late.  Our God is the master builder who laid the foundation of the earth (Hebrews 1:10).  He can visit any foundation, tear it down and rebuild it.

Permit me to say when the foundation is destroyed; the righteous can invite the master builder.

Prayer Point: O Lord, help us to lay the right foundation for our children in Jesus name, any where we might have missed it, O Lord we invite you in as the master builder, visit the foundation of our children, tear it down and rebuild it to suit your purpose in Jesus mighty name.  Amen.

Frustrating moments!

Sometimes we try hard to impact some values on our children, might be as simple as a good reading habit, focus in exam preparations or even some more delicate issues.   There are times it just seems we keep talking, but we are not communicating.  The child doesn’t just seem to have gotten the point!  The trend you are trying to stop, you see repeating itself.  Sometimes, you are trying to say to your child ‘see I have towed that line and it did not profit me in anyway, you will not benefit anything from going that route’.  At such times, if there was a better way to let the child see exactly through your heart and get the import of what you are trying to communicate.  Whilst it is probably okay to allow the child learn from his/her mistakes, you definitely want to avoid the ‘costly’ mistakes, if you had the choice.

Sometimes, you are not even sure whether you are not doing too much talking.  The child begins to feel he/she is in a classroom anytime near where you are.  You are beginning to sound like a broken record, and sometimes you hear, ‘mummy I know, you have said that a thousand times’!   My response is ‘if you had complied the first time, I probably will not need a second time’.

I think here we probably need a different strategy.  This is the time to take it to God in prayers.  Sometimes I find myself saying ‘God I really don’t know how to handle this, please help me.  Just take it over from where I have stopped, minister to this child by Yourself’.  Thank God, He has a way of showing up in our circumstances.  Somehow, He deposits peace within me and I watch things gradually take shape once again.  Thank God for God!

Sometimes we bother so much about our children, we put ourselves under pressure and spend time worrying instead of taking it all to God in prayers.  Worrying really doesn’t solve any problem at the end of the day; it probably adds one or two more!  There is just that limit to what we can do as human beings, no matter how ‘perfect’ we think we are as parents; God is the super parent that really can handle everything.

Prayer point:  O Lord, tune our children’s hears to good counsel, guide their paths and protect them.

You are their Heavenly Father; take over that parenting task even in areas where we are struggling or perhaps where we have failed as their earthly parent.

Proverbs 19:20 ‘ Listen to counsel  and receive instruction, that  you may be wise in your latter days’

Proverbs 1:5 ‘ A wise man will hear and increase in learning, a man of understanding will attain wise counsel’

Proverbs 12:15 ‘ The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise’

Teenage Vibes

I realized that there is something about teenage.  These children suddenly begin to feel like young adults and want to do things differently.  Gradually, they don’t want to put on certain wears any longer, they don’t want to be treated as ‘children’, they don’t want mummy going everywhere with them any longer and now they really love to hang out with friends.  This phase is just a lot more delicate and complicated; should be treated with extra care.

This is the time teenagers feel ‘I am old enough, I know just what to do, you don’t have to baby me’.

This is the time they are more exposed to ‘peer pressure’, the time they are far more aware of their sexuality, and the time they really want to explore!  The influence of ‘modernization’ and social networks could also take its toll sometimes.  The relationship you have built over the years will really help in managing this phase because if you really are your child’s friend, he/she will still want to share with you, at least to some extent what is going on in his/her world.  Whatever relationship you had previously, it is important not to assume that your child is old enough and can really be on his/her own because more than ever, this is the time to get involved as the child, depending on his/her character, can easily be influenced into following the wrong path if care is not taken.  This is the time to continue to talk to your child at every opportunity advising him/her about life generally and sharing from your own personal experiences (after all, you were once a teenager) and also borrowing from other peoples experiences you may know.  I found out that children are particularly intrigued by their parent’s personal experiences!  Good or bad, there is always a lesson to be learnt.  Also from my experience, the personalities of my teenage children differ, whilst one is more disposed to sharing almost anything with me unprompted,   the other one will require a lot of subtle questioning before letting out anything!  I believe the risks are higher, where the child is not even sharing.  We need to be aware of this as parents and find a way of getting more involved and also we need to be careful about extending liberties to them.

The most stabilizing influence is CHRIST.  A child that has given his/her life to Christ indeed will be led by the WORD of God.  This child by the help of God, will be fully in control and not easily swayed by trends or peer pressure.  As parents, we can lead our children to Christ, we can show them the right path, continually pray for and with them, and if possible, ensure they are in institutions that align with what we consider as the right values.  But what really can we do without the help of God? We need to continually ask God to help us with this great task of parenting.

 

Prayer point; O Lord, intervene in the lives of our children; help them to know YOU indeed and depend on YOU even in their teenage years.  Help them not to be swayed by the evil influences in this world so they can keep their sanity and we can have our rest.

Isaiah 54:13-14b ‘ All our children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness they shall be established..’

The familiar enemy

Increasingly, we read reports of child abuse in the papers and particularly sexual abuse.  It is extremely important we educate our children about sex.  Unfortunately this is one topic we naturally shy away from as parents.  I do not recall hearing so much about this as a kid as well.  But this is why the perpetrators are really gaining grounds; they catch their ‘preys’ most times quite naive, uninformed and with no understanding of the consequences.

Right from the tender ages, a child must first understand that certain parts of the body are private and should not be touched by anyone.  A child should shout and report any attempt by anyone and should be made to understand that anyone who says ‘don’t tell mummy or daddy’ does not mean well for him/her.

Unfortunately, most of these ‘predators’ are people very close by, sometimes people that have access to our homes such as family members, domestic assistants, neighbours e.t.c.  In some cases, it could even be drivers, gatemen, class teachers, lesson teachers and what have you.  The enemy is often not far- fetched, but right inside our homes and around our environment.  Let’s watch out!

This is applicable to both the male and the female child, though agreeably, the female child is perhaps more exposed.  We should continuously educate our children and protect them from such risks as much as possible.  Suggested ways include not leaving them home alone or with a potential ‘predator’, not allowing your under age child walk the streets alone, ensuring your children are decently dressed and not unduly exposed,  warning your girl child never to sit on a boy/man’s laps. 

We cannot be too vigilant when it comes to watching out for our children.  We should even observe their reaction to people around.  When they are avoiding somebody or being unnecessarily familiar with somebody, we want to find out why.  It is possible there is no issue, which is what we hope in the first place, but we just need to check.

Most of all we need to daily commit these children to God’s hands to take them over completely and guide their paths for us.

Prayer point:  O Lord, continually guide our children and direct their paths.  Let them never fall prey to the predator in Jesus name.  Amen.

1 Corinthians 6:18 ‘Flee from sexual immorality ....’

The place of discipline

One of the most pathetic stories I have read in the Bible is that of Eli, a Prophet of God who heard God directly and was a blessing to his generation.   Eli served God even until his old age, he however ended his life abruptly and not just that, God promised him that all his descendants will die in their prime and there will be no old man in his family. 1 Samuel 2:22-33.  Why?  His sons were very unruly, even though he warned them; God said he failed to restrain them from their evil (1 Samuel 3:13).

This tells me God expects us to do more than talking when it comes to correcting our children, particularly if the child decides not to heed to our initial mild warnings.  Whatever it takes to ‘restrain’ our child from wrong, we must by all means do, else we become guilty before God should our child continue in his wrong.

The gentle man Eli must have had a very soft personality.  There was also no mention of a mother figure, who perhaps would have balanced her husband’s ‘niceness’.  These children would have gotten away with so much, right from childhood so much so that they threw caution to the winds.  After all, daddy Eli was quite busy ministering to the needs of Israel, he heard of his children’s wrong doings (1 Samuel 2:22), he probably had no chance to observe these himself!

This is a lesson for all.  We must not be too busy to observe our children.  We must by all means restrain our children from wrong and of course right from when they are very little.  My 2yr old niece for instance is often asked to face the wall, once she does something wrong and interestingly, that makes her very sober.  Once she starts to feel indifferent by this style of punishment, I can bet a steeper measure will be applied.

It is however important to also discipline a child in love and let the child understand why he is being punished, otherwise we may just over do it and injure the child in the process (particularly if done in anger) or the child may go to the other extreme and become rebellious, particularly if he feels 'mummy or daddy hates me'.

Prayer point: O Lord, help me not to get too busy to notice my child’s wrong doings.  Help me to be able to restrain my child from wrong and to discipline him in love and deliver his soul from hell.

You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell Prov. 23:14

Folly in bound in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him. Prov. 22:15

The Rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother Prov. 23:15

Playing the model

Whether you like it or not, your child looks up to you whilst growing and you are one of the very first role models he/she sees.  The child apparently learns more from what you do, than what you say.  And most of the time, they are silent observers; they see everything, may just keep quiet at the time and suddenly say (or act) something they have seen particularly if the situation demands it.

My son made a rude statement to one of his friends and I said ... .oh no, you must never say that, it’s not a nice thing to say to anyone.  Have you ever heard me say anything like that?  And he went. . of course YES mummy, when you are driving.  I could have sworn I never use those foul languages.  Driving sometimes has a way of bringing a part of you, you never knew existed.  God have mercy! 

But this makes me extra conscious of what I say or what I do, knowing that my child is learning from me.  When I am lazy about doing certain things I know I should do, I just prop myself to do it sometimes.  I try to ensure the right disciplines as much as possible, family prayer time, church/fellowship time e.t.c.  And also those wifely home duties!  God help us, our daughters are learning.

You can imagine what it does to a child to watch his/her father beat up his/her mum.  This child may just grow up having the wrong ideas about marriage.

I believe we may not be perfect all the time, but perhaps we can strive to make our homes (at least in terms of how parents play their roles to each other and disciplines we put in place in our homes) the minimum standard that we would want our children’s homes to be in the future.

Prayer point: O Lord, help us to build our homes with Christ as the centre point, help us to be good role models to our children in Jesus name.  Amen.